Monday, January 9, 2012
Frustration
I don't know how my stepdaughter does it. She spoke to her bm and was told that bm was sending her $50 to spend. This was two months ago. Bm does this all the time. Bm tells her she is going to do something and the backs out and always has some excuse. Well as checked the mail the other day and there was a money order for her for $50. Only took her two months. Why does she tell the kids that she will do something with no intention of following through? I get so tired of seeing sd disappointed because her bm lied again and we have to follow through with it for her. We are so tired of her not making the effort for her kids unless we make the effort for her. She has three kids and has never done anything for them. Someone asked her one day why she doesn't see her kids and she answered because my husband and I won't come get her. Since when is it our responsibility to be her taxi to see the kids. She is older than we are. She needs to grow up and take care of her responsibilities.
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Introduction
When you marry someone you accept the fact that the person you are married to has baggage. My name is Charley and I married my husband almost 11 years ago. When I married him, I knew that he had been married before and that he had children. My stepson was five at the time that we married and my stepdaughter was only three. I knew that along with the children came an ex-wife and I knew that the ex and the new wife in relationships normally don't get along. I was ready for this...or I thought I was.
These 11 years have not been easy at all. Being the second wife, I began helping take care of the children from day one. I thought that things would be a little easier with the ex if I were to volunteer to babysit them while my husband was working and while the ex was working. This way she would not have to pay for child care. I thought that helping her out a little would make it a little easier for her to accept that I was here and that I had not plans on going anywhere. I was wrong. After only a couple of months watching the children for her (she got custody in the divorce) she started seeing this new guy. She started calling from work asking if the children could stay for a couple of days and that she would bring them more clothes. I told her yes (I knew my husband wouldn't mind) and after a couple of days she was supposed to pick them up. Well, instead, she would call and ask about them staying longer. A couple of days turned to a couple of weeks, into a couple of months, to her enrolling them in school living with us. We didn't mind but I told my husband that he needed to get custody. He told me we would talk about it and nothing else was ever said. He didn't want to deal with it. I asked him about it one day and he told me that he couldn't get custody because judges don't give father's custody over the mother unless she was just completely unfit.
Well, they were with us for a little over a year and she had already started causing problems for us. She would call him wanting him to work on her car, fix things at her apartment, basically anything that she could think of to tell him to do. If we didn't jump when she said jump she would wait until the children were at school and pick them up without telling us. We would have to find out that she had them when she would send a text or leave a voicemail that she had the kids and that we could do things her way or never see them again. Of course, we would give in and do what she told us so that we could see the kids again. When she would bring them back she would tell us that she would be back to get them in a couple of days and then would not show up. We would have the kids ready and would be at the agreed on place and time and she would not be there. She would not call and when we called her she would not answer the phone. We would go back to the house and she would have the police come with her to get them and tell the police that she had left a message telling us that she needed to have us drop them off at her apartment and that we never showed. She took the kids for another week and then brought them back telling us that she couldn't handle them and that they were not listening to her.
Fast forward to 2005. The ex, at this point, keeps telling us that she would be at the parent/teacher conferences and doesn't show up. I am pregnant and supposed to be on bed rest but having to take the kids back and forth to football and cheerleading practice plus two games a day because the ex will not help with them. She is back and forth from friend's couch to friend's couch. She has no steady place to live and no job. All she has been doing is causing problems at this point. After we were awarded custody (after only four days from the time we filed the exparteex's boyfriend. We were livid. Plus we showed her on the custody papers where it stated that she got to see them but that there was no where in the papers that it stated that we had to let her leave with them. We also pointed out that the papers stated that there was not to be any men staying overnight when they were there unless she was married to them. She was living with her boyfriend and separated from her third husband.
Since then it has been one fight with her after another. No matter how much we avoid her, she still tells my stepdaughter that I am talking about her behind her back and cursing me all the time. She doesn't come to see her kids. She had my stepdaughter living with her for a little while now that she is older. My stepdaughter is back with us because her mother was smacking her, screaming at her and leaving her at home while she was with her boyfriend. She would not stay home with her daughter. She was verbally and physically abusive to her so she is back with us. She tells my stepdaughter that she will send her money and never does. She didn't see her for Christmas. She doesn't come to see her. Every time that she talks to my stepdaughter and is told that I did something for her, the ex goes nuts. We don't have anything to do with her. We found out that she was still claiming my stepdaughter to get government housing and welfare because she refuses to work.
I know it seems like I am ranting but I just wanted to give you a little history and that is not all that we have been through. However, no matter how much trouble she causes thinking that I will get tired and leave the closer that my husband and I get. I will be chronicling my journey to make my marriage work and my relationship with my step kids as well as the problems that occur from the ex. I hope that this blog helps other second wives deal with what they are going through.
These 11 years have not been easy at all. Being the second wife, I began helping take care of the children from day one. I thought that things would be a little easier with the ex if I were to volunteer to babysit them while my husband was working and while the ex was working. This way she would not have to pay for child care. I thought that helping her out a little would make it a little easier for her to accept that I was here and that I had not plans on going anywhere. I was wrong. After only a couple of months watching the children for her (she got custody in the divorce) she started seeing this new guy. She started calling from work asking if the children could stay for a couple of days and that she would bring them more clothes. I told her yes (I knew my husband wouldn't mind) and after a couple of days she was supposed to pick them up. Well, instead, she would call and ask about them staying longer. A couple of days turned to a couple of weeks, into a couple of months, to her enrolling them in school living with us. We didn't mind but I told my husband that he needed to get custody. He told me we would talk about it and nothing else was ever said. He didn't want to deal with it. I asked him about it one day and he told me that he couldn't get custody because judges don't give father's custody over the mother unless she was just completely unfit.
Well, they were with us for a little over a year and she had already started causing problems for us. She would call him wanting him to work on her car, fix things at her apartment, basically anything that she could think of to tell him to do. If we didn't jump when she said jump she would wait until the children were at school and pick them up without telling us. We would have to find out that she had them when she would send a text or leave a voicemail that she had the kids and that we could do things her way or never see them again. Of course, we would give in and do what she told us so that we could see the kids again. When she would bring them back she would tell us that she would be back to get them in a couple of days and then would not show up. We would have the kids ready and would be at the agreed on place and time and she would not be there. She would not call and when we called her she would not answer the phone. We would go back to the house and she would have the police come with her to get them and tell the police that she had left a message telling us that she needed to have us drop them off at her apartment and that we never showed. She took the kids for another week and then brought them back telling us that she couldn't handle them and that they were not listening to her.
Fast forward to 2005. The ex, at this point, keeps telling us that she would be at the parent/teacher conferences and doesn't show up. I am pregnant and supposed to be on bed rest but having to take the kids back and forth to football and cheerleading practice plus two games a day because the ex will not help with them. She is back and forth from friend's couch to friend's couch. She has no steady place to live and no job. All she has been doing is causing problems at this point. After we were awarded custody (after only four days from the time we filed the exparteex's boyfriend. We were livid. Plus we showed her on the custody papers where it stated that she got to see them but that there was no where in the papers that it stated that we had to let her leave with them. We also pointed out that the papers stated that there was not to be any men staying overnight when they were there unless she was married to them. She was living with her boyfriend and separated from her third husband.
Since then it has been one fight with her after another. No matter how much we avoid her, she still tells my stepdaughter that I am talking about her behind her back and cursing me all the time. She doesn't come to see her kids. She had my stepdaughter living with her for a little while now that she is older. My stepdaughter is back with us because her mother was smacking her, screaming at her and leaving her at home while she was with her boyfriend. She would not stay home with her daughter. She was verbally and physically abusive to her so she is back with us. She tells my stepdaughter that she will send her money and never does. She didn't see her for Christmas. She doesn't come to see her. Every time that she talks to my stepdaughter and is told that I did something for her, the ex goes nuts. We don't have anything to do with her. We found out that she was still claiming my stepdaughter to get government housing and welfare because she refuses to work.
I know it seems like I am ranting but I just wanted to give you a little history and that is not all that we have been through. However, no matter how much trouble she causes thinking that I will get tired and leave the closer that my husband and I get. I will be chronicling my journey to make my marriage work and my relationship with my step kids as well as the problems that occur from the ex. I hope that this blog helps other second wives deal with what they are going through.
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